Katie, this is a very common problem reported by new doulas and can be frustrating, especially when you are enthusiastic and keen to sign up new clients. Unfortunately, in the early days, it is often our very enthusiasm that stands in our way and can prevent us from coming across professionally.
The first step is to consider the purpose of these initial meetings. Do you see them as an opportunity to "sell"
your services to your client, or as an opportunity to find out more about what they are looking for?
The second step is to consider your image and presentation. How are you coming across? Do you dress in a style appropriate for the client? Do you have a ready supply of materials such as business cards, booking forms and so on with you? Are you on time? Do you greet them with a smile and a confident handshake? Sometimes these simple things can go a long way towards creating a professional image.
Asking close friends and family for feedback can be helpful.
The most important part of the process is to reflect on your communication skills. Many new doulas go through a phase of what we call "doula evangelism", where they are so excited about their new career and are reading and learning so much, that they can seem somewhat overbearing,
wanting to rescue every women and prevent her from
having negative experiences. In addition they are often very keen to list all the things they can "do" for their clients - massage, aromatherapy, relaxation, and so on - without considering what it is that their client really wants or needs.
One technique that can be helpful is to try and resist the temptation to give information before you have asked questions. Asking open questions which avoid yes or no responses and encourage the client to open up about their needs can be helpful. Open questions are those that encourage fuller responses - they often begin with words such as why, when, and how.
For example, if the client asks, "So, what do doulas actually do?", instead of launching into download mode and listing everything you are able to do, try to take a moment to reflect on what she is really asking. It might be helpful to ask her what she has heard or read already, or what she has been told by other people. What did she like about what she has read? What things concern her? What would she like a doula to do for her? Having this information will enable you to tailor your response more precisely towards her needs.
You can then use techniques such as reflecting back and paraphrasing what you have heard to clarify and confirm your understanding. This might involve something like a summary of what she has told you.
"So it sounds to me like you want a doula because this is your first baby and you don’t know what to expect. You said you are looking for someone to offer support and guidance through this new experience. Is that right?"
Don't forget too that if your potential client has a partner who will be present at the birth, they will have needs and concerns too. Again, asking lots of open questions can be a great way to encourage them to open up and describe what they are looking for.
Finally it is worth remembering that some clients interview a number of doulas, and may just be looking for the person with whom they "click" - it may be a matter of being patient and waiting for the right client to come along. In the meantime, always follow up your meetings with a courtesy telephone call or email - even if the client chooses not to use your services, it is an opportunity to find out more about the reason why. If you can end the relationship on a positive note they may refer you on to friends or perhaps choose to contact you again for future pregnancies!
